Category Archives: everyday bits ‘n’ bobs

Freedom

A prompted post, idea originally from Please Don’t Eat With Your Mouth Open, taken up by Blonde (as prompted by one of her friends), and then shamelessly stolen by me. So sue me. “Write about the best gifts you’ve ever been given”

The alarm went off shockingly early. Another day, another dollar. I had to get to work and, although he had a day off, that meant he had to get up early too. I hit snooze for the third time (I have a five snooze limit) and rolled over, ready to surrender to that lovely dozy feeling that comes with waking up. But something was stopping me drifting back into the cocoon of unconsciousness.

Light. More specifically, bright sunshine pouring in through the window straight onto my face.

For the first time in ages a) it was light when I woke up and b) it was actually sunny. Will wonders never cease? And so, it was because of that simple ray of sunshine, that I ended up here:

Just because I could.The last few months have been something of a revelation.

The last few months have been something of a revelation. I have spent the 12 years in the corporate world being told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it by. I always had a boss. Who had a boss. Who had expectations, and objectives, and targets. I worked in the same office, day after day. I was surrounded by the same people, all dealing with the same problems as me. The time sped by in a gloriously monotonous fashion whereby I knew that no matter what happened (barring a firing!) I would go home at the end of the month with my paycheck, thank you very much. Sometimes I was promoted. Sometimes I got to travel. Sometimes there were shards of excitement – some juicy gossip, some chocolates from someone’s holiday – to break up the day.

And now it’s all changed.

I decide what to do, how to do it, when to do it by. If I don’t meet my own expectations, achieve my objectives, hit my targets, it’s my own fault. I’m the one who suffers. I’m the one who doesn’t get paid. I’m the one who worries about how to pay rent. Does it sound stressful? You’re right, it is. It’s the most stressed I’ve been in a long time but, at the same time, it’s the most liberated I think I’ve ever been. The stress I’m under now isn’t dependent on other people. It’s not about internal politics and getting a promotion and a boss who’s unreasonable. This stress is about me learning every day, about balancing budgets and bills, about finding new clients, about dealing with massive rejection.

All of these things I’ve given myself in the last 6 months.

I have given myself the gift of freedom.

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Back in the saddle

Oof. It’s been a while.

Last time I posted I was gainfully employed (albeit, on my way out), I was just about to leave for Africa, and I was in a little confusion about the state of my relationship-that-isn’t-really-a-relationship-because-I’m-going-to-Africa-and-I-don’t-know-what-I-want thing.

It’s been a while.

What’s changed?

Work:

Having moved on from Big Corporation, I now have a new boss. She can be a bit moody and sometimes she just doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing. So far, I haven’t even been paid! (and yes, this is a stupid way of saying I’m now self-employed)

Joking aside, I’m rather enjoying the ability to make my own decisions, the discipline of having to stick to a meagre budget, the freedom of being able to meet friends for lunch or coffee, the pride of Getting Things Done.

Life:

I went to Africa. I survived Africa. I had my once-in-a-lifetime experience that I never have to repeat. I met some amazing people. I met some not-so-amazing people. I did things I never thought I would ever in a million years do even if you paid me (and, in fact, paid to do it)*. It was an experience. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I’m glad I did it. I needed to do it. I won’t do it again.

And my God, I’m so glad to be home again.

Love: 

So that guy? Yeah, I’m still with him. Despite the fact we both decided that we weren’t going to wait for each other while I was away we… did. And yes, it was odd, seeing him again after 4 months apart. And yes, it was a little awkward at first. But that was at first.

He continually surprises me with his thoughtfulness and kindness, his ability to take situations in his stride that would have me completely freaking out, his relaxed attitude to everything I deign to throw at him (be it a day out with Fursty Ferret to a couple of days with the parents – yes, that happened).

We’re taking it as it comes, I think. Seeing what happens. Enjoying each other’s company and all those other cliches. Let’s see what happens.

And so there you have it. My updated life in fewer than 500 words. Much like I’m targeting 5 meetings a week for work, I should try and give myself a blogging target. After all, this blog is the only place I get to rant to my heart’s content in relative anonymity.

I’m on the case. I’m getting back in the saddle.

* for the very curious, I went skydiving in Namibia. I’m not sure why I said yes. It was absolutely petrifying. The poor chap I was strapped to was completely deaf by the time he got me on the ground. 

 

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