Freedom

A prompted post, idea originally from Please Don’t Eat With Your Mouth Open, taken up by Blonde (as prompted by one of her friends), and then shamelessly stolen by me. So sue me. “Write about the best gifts you’ve ever been given”

The alarm went off shockingly early. Another day, another dollar. I had to get to work and, although he had a day off, that meant he had to get up early too. I hit snooze for the third time (I have a five snooze limit) and rolled over, ready to surrender to that lovely dozy feeling that comes with waking up. But something was stopping me drifting back into the cocoon of unconsciousness.

Light. More specifically, bright sunshine pouring in through the window straight onto my face.

For the first time in ages a) it was light when I woke up and b) it was actually sunny. Will wonders never cease? And so, it was because of that simple ray of sunshine, that I ended up here:

Just because I could.The last few months have been something of a revelation.

The last few months have been something of a revelation. I have spent the 12 years in the corporate world being told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it by. I always had a boss. Who had a boss. Who had expectations, and objectives, and targets. I worked in the same office, day after day. I was surrounded by the same people, all dealing with the same problems as me. The time sped by in a gloriously monotonous fashion whereby I knew that no matter what happened (barring a firing!) I would go home at the end of the month with my paycheck, thank you very much. Sometimes I was promoted. Sometimes I got to travel. Sometimes there were shards of excitement – some juicy gossip, some chocolates from someone’s holiday – to break up the day.

And now it’s all changed.

I decide what to do, how to do it, when to do it by. If I don’t meet my own expectations, achieve my objectives, hit my targets, it’s my own fault. I’m the one who suffers. I’m the one who doesn’t get paid. I’m the one who worries about how to pay rent. Does it sound stressful? You’re right, it is. It’s the most stressed I’ve been in a long time but, at the same time, it’s the most liberated I think I’ve ever been. The stress I’m under now isn’t dependent on other people. It’s not about internal politics and getting a promotion and a boss who’s unreasonable. This stress is about me learning every day, about balancing budgets and bills, about finding new clients, about dealing with massive rejection.

All of these things I’ve given myself in the last 6 months.

I have given myself the gift of freedom.

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3 thoughts on “Freedom

  1. looby says:

    That’s some open-air office you’ve got there!

    Glad you’re happy to have made that move. I did the same when I got made redundant, and have never looked back. I’m absolutely skint most of the time and it often feels like I’ve got two jobs — the other one being having to spend a few hours each week robbing Peter to pay Paul to give back the money I borrow off Luke to give to Matthew 🙂 But no regrets.

    Happy Easter from over here in England!

  2. SwissTwist says:

    So great to see you blogging again! And even greater (?) to see how happy you are with the changes you’ve made.
    So happy for you!

  3. Jester says:

    beautiful view! and exciting. i also let go of the “being bossed by someone else” world and it’s wonderful to be your own boss. stressful at times and a little scary. but wonderful all the same.

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