That’s not my name… is it?

hello my name isThe other week I wrote about the life of an expat and my tips on how to make things a little easier on yourself.

The post stemmed from an article which, in summary, said that one of the problems with living the expat life is that you are constantly missing out on things going on back home. Friends getting married, friends having babies, friends getting divorced, friends having more babies.

I’m lucky, I’ve never really felt that apart from my friends in the UK. I keep in touch via the wonders of the internet and, very occasionally, have been known to write the odd letter. (some would say my letters are very odd, but that’s another story).


This is all a very long winded way of saying that I’m still in touch with a lot of people from home, well done me etc.

Long time readers of this blog will know all the malarkey with N (if not, this post points you to the most relevant outpourings). You’ll also be aware, that I’m still in touch with N. That I was invited to the wedding (and went).

I don’t mind being friends with him. We went out for 5 years, for goodness sake – this man, for all his faults, was a major part of my life for a long time. It’s not the most conventional of friendships – we speak sporadically, the conversation is neutral, I never speak about men, he concentrates on his new life. We talk about rugby. And our respective parents. A muted version of adult conversation.

He’s been married over a year now. It was therefore no surprise that a baby was soon on the way.

N popped up on google chat the other week.

N: Hello Miss Moo [his nickname for me when we were going out.]

me: Hey! I was thinking about you the other day. Has baby arrived?

N: bounding baby girl born and happily pooping away

me: congratulations – when? name?

N: born last thursday……name undecided…actually *nuttycow* is a front runner…. Little Moo for Big Moo to visit…

Eh? My ex boyfriend and his new wife were thinking of calling their first child by my name?

For the most part, depending on the amount of time we went out, exs’ names have always become off limit for me after the breakup. Do you really want your child to remind you, every day, of the past, what was, what wasn’t, taunting you with the failure of yet another relationship? Ok, so maybe that’s over egging it a little, but you get what I’m saying. You don’t name your child the same thing as your ex. Generally, it’s weird.

There are exceptions. If the name is fairly common and lovely (say, for example, if I had a name like Emma, or Sarah, or Rachel, or Catherine) then, sure, it’d probably work. But my name? Despite the fact a character on Home and Away suddenly appeared bearing the same name, it still isn’t that common. I don’t know another (although there used to be one in my class when I was about 6). I’d hazard a guess that most of my friends would probably say I’m the only one they know…

So yes, to say I was a little, weirded out by the conversation would be an understatement. They couldn’t be serious about it… could they?

Two weeks later:

N: all done…*nuttycow* Middlename Surname…………….naming babies is a pain in the arse

How does one respond to that? (short of running away screaming)

Tagged , , ,

25 thoughts on “That’s not my name… is it?

  1. Siempre says:


    In my world, naming an offspring after an ex is a kind, touching tribu no wait it’s wrong. It’s terribly terribly wrong. One of them (or possibly both) is the wrong side of odd. It’s mental.

  2. Emma Cossey says:

    Yeah, that’s weird. Especially on the wife’s side actually. I know a few of my husband’s exes, and I’m fine with them…but I’m not going to name my future child after them. That’s all kind of creepy. It’s weird that he could be walking round a park, calling out your name, if she gets lost.

    Yeah, not cool.

  3. Yeah, unless there is some sort of familial importance with the name, then why on Earth would you name your child for an ex? And how did that get cleared by the wife? Are you on good terms with her?

  4. LofRede says:

    I really like your name but it’s massively weird that he’s called his sproglet that, even as a middle name it would be odd but as a first name that’s just…wrong.

    Oooh, ooh and especially as ‘nuttycow surname’ would have been your whole name if you’d have married him instead


    weird and wrong

    I presume his wife does know your name and does’nt think you’re all exotic and actually called missmoo as a real name? No, that would be too weird

    • nuttycow says:

      Haha – no the wife knows my name. And yes, the more I think about the fact she has the name I would have had if I hadn’t come to my senses. Urg.

  5. Gumpher says:

    That is a vair, vair odd thing to do. I’m not sure who I feel is odder in the process. your ex, or his wife.

  6. Melanie says:

    Yes. All kinds of weird.

    But, actually, just reading back over the other blogs you linked reminded me fiercely of a relationship from my (distant) past (particularly the one in which he smashed up your home.) And then I realised that the name I have picked out for “If I ever have a little girl her name will be …” is his wife’s name. Which isn’t a common name.

    That makes it sound like I was his mistress. I wasn’t. His wife was the one who came after me who then went on to marry him.

    • nuttycow says:

      Are you still in touch with your ex? How long ago was it? Was it your last boyfriend?

      I think the thing that makes this weirder for me is that I was the last girlf before he got married. It makes it a little too… close.

  7. Blonde says:

    *Nuttycow* is TW’s ex’s name. It’s very pretty, but for precisely the reasons you’ve outlined, any child we might have will not have that name. The new wife is either very forgiving, or a bit mad.

    • nuttycow says:

      TW obviously has brilliant taste 😉

      I’m leaning towards mad. But then she did marry N – you’d have to be a little strange to do that, right? (she says, having come perilously close!)

  8. Jessica Ellen says:

    That is bizarre. Completely bizarre.

  9. Mud says:

    Totally weird and totally wrong.

    I have always planned to call a daughter “Nuttycow”, but then again, you aren’t my ex!

    • nuttycow says:

      And, no offence, Mud, I’m ok with not being your ex 😉

      I’ll just take it as a compliment! (because obviously, you’re naming said daughter after me, right?)

  10. Paula says:

    I LOVE your name but your ex calling his kid that? That is messed up.

  11. looby says:

    I don’t quite see what’s wrong. There are only a finite number of names to pick from, and if he likes a name –which happend to be yours as well– well, that’s their prerogative.

    One of my daughter’s third names (they have three Christian names each) is the name of a French student I used to have. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to invoke the memory of Fabienne every time I look at my daughter. I just like the name. My surname is common in France, so I gave all my daughters a French middle name.

  12. looby says:

    ” a French student I used to have.”

    That didn’t quite come out right 🙂

    • nuttycow says:

      Understand it’s their choice I just think that social norms dictate that a long term ex’s name is pretty much out of the picture. You pick up names all over the place – people you know, people in the news, family etc but much like I could never call my son N, I think it’s a little odd that he chose my (not that usual) name for his daughter.

  13. Addy says:

    I’m hazarding a guess he still thinks of you in an extremely fond way, – too fond for comfort, now he is with someone else. Does his wife know about you and him in the past? In which case , how on earth has she agreed to be tortured with your name on her child? Very strange indeed.

    • nuttycow says:

      I think he still thinks of my fondly, yes. I met the wife at their wedding – she was well aware that I was the ex but I tried to keep as low a profile as possible (apart from kissing the best man!)

      Apparently she likes my name too – although I still think that no matter how much I like a name, I would give it up if it had those types of connections…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *