It’s no secret that the past couple of months haven’t been the happiest for me. Normally I’ll put it down to the famed “I’ve just moved to a new country what the hell am I doing” dip. Sadly, I’ve been here for over 2 years now and I just don’t think that works any more.
(For the uninitiated, the “dip” generally occurs after 3 months in a new place. It can last anything from 3 – 9 months. Your first few months (1 – 3) are filled with the move and initial excitement of being in a new place and meeting new people. Months 3 – 6/9/12 is filled with the dip. You’re frustrated, angry, lonely and bored. You don’t know how things work (and, if you do, you don’t like the way they work). You don’t have a settled group of friends, merely acquaintances. You yearn for the routine and familiarity of your old life. You question all your decisions and wonder why you ever decided to move. Gradually, slowly, your mood lifts. You embrace the difference, you laugh at the quirks of your new home, you find your place in your new world. Or you don’t. Some people never get out the slump. Some people just hate their new life. More often, thankfully, the outcome is the former, not the latter).
Anyway, I digress. The moods have been attributed by a variety of people to a number of different things:
- repeated listening of “call me maybe”
- the weird behaviour of army boy
- giving up smoking
- a realisation that I’m not 20 anymore and therefore flirting with 20 year olds is probably frowned upon.
Personally I’m going to put it down to the two-year itch.
Having been bought up in a military family, my childhood consisted of moving into a house, settling in, making friends, packing up, moving into a new house, settling in, making friends etc etc ad infinitum. It was fantastic. I got to meet a host of new people, I experienced a number of different countries and I got to redecorate my room every two years.
This nomadic childhood has instilled me with a burning wanderlust. I need to travel, I need to try new things, I need to explore. My 7 years in London is probably the longest I have been in any one place (and even then, I seemed to be moving house pretty much every year). This need for the new and unexpected is part of who I am.
And so here we are. I’ve come to the point in my Swiss adventure that the yearning has started. I’m not enjoying work as much as I used to, I have an overwhelming ennui. An apathy. I have plenty to do and no inclination to do it (evidenced by the fact that I’m sitting here writing this blog post as opposed to doing what I’m supposed to be doing today). Weeks stretch ahead of me. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – yawning chasms of routine. Weekends, the beacon of light, the time I can get out and about and find new things.
Not one to just sit and complain (much) I have, of course, been doing my best to change my situation. Contacts have been contacted, feelers have been extended, clandestine emails have been sent. And so now the waiting starts.
And we all know how I feel about that.
Boo to the ennui, but making the moves to rid yourself of it can only be a good thing.
(Oh, and the dating younger men? Not a problem. Not a problem at all. Ahem.)
There’s dating younger men and then there’s dating younger men. A 10 year age gap is a little too much, even for me. I don’t want to cement this reputation of cougar!
Rubbish. Sorry you’re feeling like this. BUT! You’re being very proactive about it, with the feelers and all. Which is excellent and highly commendable when you’re feeling pants.
It’s interesting how your military upbringing has instilled this desire for movement in you. My childhood was much the same: every two years, off we went again. New country, new school, new life. I enjoyed it very much at the time, but as an adult now I crave stability and routine and the idea of taking off to a new place makes me feel very uneasy. Different strokes, I guess… x
Hey Rachel – it’s not so bad. I am, as ever, over-egging the pudding a little. Poetic licence. Excited at the prospect of finding something new (while, at the same time, slightly scared I won’t find anything new!)
It’s odd that we have different outlooks on things, isn’t it? I’ve always had this need to move. Even when I was younger, I couldn’t imagine myself being married to anyone except someone in the army. Look how well that one turned out!
Just go easy on yourself. And congratulations on doing something about things — good luck!
Thanks – I think I’ll need it!
Ennui and Apathy is going to be the name of my band if I ever learn how to play a guitar properly.
I don’t understand your reluctance to date younger men. I can tell you that any man, any man, would have no problem dating a woman 10 years his junior. Why should that be any different for the girlies? Is it the nothing-in-common conundrum?
I think that is probably it UB – I mean seriously, what do I have in common with a 20 year old pre-med? Not a lot.
He may be pretty to look at but there’s more to life than that.
Or at least, there should be.
And why not – so many more adventures somewhere else.
*so* many more. And what fun they will be!
Any chance of moving to pastures new? I remember my grandmother couldn’t bear to stay in one place for more than a year or two. If she couldn’t move, she’d change the rooms over to make things look different. My grandfather came home from work very late one night, didn’t want to put the light on and wake my grandmother, so crept into the bedroom in the dark only to find out too late it was now the lounge and he stubbed his toe badly on the sofa foot which he didn’t know was there.
Haha! What a lovely story.
Pastures new are what I’m aiming for Addy. Whether those pastures are here or elsewhere, we’ll have to see.
So that’s why you’ve been talking to me….
(As ever, a comment sent with love)
Sarcastic bugger.
(said with love, of course)
I must be feeling better is the sarcasm is making an appearance.
Huge love and stuff
x
Mwah!
No matter the reasons behind the ennui, good for you for doing something about it.
Hey Sarah – lovely to see you. Hope all is well where you are. Must must must catch up with your blog soon.
“Doing something about it” is kind of my thing. I hate people who moan and don’t do anything to change their situation.
I know the itch….I get it around jobs usually….some of my German friends have been in the same job for over 10 years. Jesus. Never going to happen…..
Oh Jesus, I just don’t think I could do that.
I’ve been in the current company for 4 years… that’s long enough for me!
When I lived ona little island in the Atlantic someone told me “You’ll love year one, you’ll start missing home in year two, and you’ll come back in year three.” And I did almost just that. Maybe it’s just part of a natural cycle for a natural wanderer like you. Good luck with it.
FWIW, I wouldn’t bother too much about any prospective lover’s chronological age. You can meet people on your own wavelength at many years either side of your own.
Where to? Feeling it too….
I think there’s a world of difference between flirting with younger men and dating younger men. I flirt with the girls at the yard, they flirt ferociously back yet none of us would actually cross the line. It’s good for the ego.
But the point I want to make is I hit a wall after I had lived in Spain for three years. It may have been different if I was in an area where the locals spoke English (or even Spanish!) or if there were Brits about the place, but the the fact is I got hit by a wall of dissatisfaction in my 38th month. So don’t fret about timescales. We’re all individual.
Relating big time, I tend to go two to three years in any given job – then get bored and move. At month seven, I do feel like this job is going to be one of the two year ones. There are some things I want to get done here, but once they’re done, I don’t think I’ll be sticking around. Location-wise though, I’d like to stay in Hong Kong a little longer than that…it’s an amazing city.
Wandering people. We both are. I just move jobs rather than location. In doing so I keep a slightly grounded sense of normailty and freeedom in anything else. I would love to up sticks but now find I can’t leave my location – friends, family etc etc. However small changes can help replicate a sense of adventure.
Or…… open a bottle and get smashed!
i never had the desire to travel – 24 years in the same UK-based company – until I started actually doing it. Now it really appeals. A couple of months ago I had the chance to take a job in Poland. Had it not been for family considerations, I’d have leapt at it. Proof you should do it while you still can. Maybe your flirting with 20-year-olds is a subconscious defence mechanism from getting involved with anything really serious, so that you still have the freedom to roam. If that’s the case, I’d embrace it. And if you ever fancy the other end of the age scale, you can come and flirt with me anytime!
Seriously, I sense your mood lifting, and I really hope I’m right. Sending Womble Love across the water x