Today is what I think they’d call a ‘bittersweet’ day.
Two years ago, I started my new job in a new country. Do you remember the journey over here? Do you remember how quickly I had to learn new things? Do you remember how I kept on making the same old mistakes?
I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown by. I can’t believe how I was once content stuck in my London rut with a no-good boyfriend.* How I put my career and dreams on hold for him (I don’t know if I ever told you that I’d always wanted to travel with work but N put the kibosh on that one? Yeah, well, he did.)
I think about my daily life here: The 10 minute commute. The view from my office over the lake and mountains. The rush to get to the shops before they close at 7. The mad, fantastic, international office. The taxis which will only pick you up at a designated taxi rank and then charge you the crown jewels to go 5 minutes down the road. The endless hills. “My” nightclub with its barstaff who know me, bouncers who tolerate me, sticky floor, rubbish music, shots bar and the scene of many an indiscreet snog. The summer months ’round the lake. The winter months up in the mountains. The charm and elegance of the town. Its little quirks (see 2am). The overly complicated system for renting a house. The overly complicated system for pretty much anything.
I think about my daily life and, although sometimes I just want to scream, I feel a little warmer inside.
I watch my new friends (who, also, probably need some form of alias… I’m on it) who are in their first and sixth months in this wonderful place and I see them struggle with the bureaucracy, the frustrations and the endless process but know that, slowly, they should grow to love it as much as I do.
So that’s the sweet. Happy Anniversary to me.
And the bitter? The loss of twoof my closest friends here (again).
First All-American Girl, now Dixie Chick and Rabbie**.
At 5:20 this morning, I herded DC to the car and took her to the station for her to start her long trip to Singapore and her new life, The Squire by her side.
Having had her in my flat for the last month and a half, opening the door to silence was deafening. What? No figure huddled underneath a quilt on the sofa? No annoyingly sunny demeanour at 6 in the morning? No chatting in the kitchen with wine while supper is created?
Fine, I don’t play well with others (ever since I moved out of the House of Heroes and into my own flat I knew that it was incredibly unlikely I would move back to the hell of having housemates). But still, it’s a little… empty. I’m going to have to learn to live on my own again. To remember that I can’t blame the mess on anyone else but myself. To relish in the fact that I can watch and listen to whatever I like (although, to be fair to DC, she was very forgiving of American Idol and, towards the end, I managed to get her hooked on the West Wing so it wasn’t all bad).
Rabbie leaves this afternoon. A weekend of parties, of laughter and of memories, all wrapped up in foggy haze of gin. Off he goes, back to the land of Susan Boyle and men who wear inappropriate skirts (I know, I know). A quieter friend that some of my others but no less important.
A bittersweet day.
*DISCLAIMER: I am not, for one minute, suggesting that I didn’t love my life, friends, fun in London. It’s just that, well, I think I prefer the continental experiences I’m getting here. It’s fun being just a little bit lost the whole time. **MEMO TO SELF: Update your cast list. It’s transient round these ‘ere parts.
I’ve read this blog for ages now, and sometimes I completely forget that you lived in London, and had all those troubles with N. You’ve come so far and seem so at home where you are now, – I suppose that’s the good thing about blogging, is that you can see clearly how much happier someone is quite clearly.
Thank you Jo, that’s very kind. I am happy here and will continue to stay here until I’m not. Then I’ll start on the next adventure. You’ll come with me, right?
Like Jo, I’ve been hanging around here for a long, long time and I’m happy to see you in a good place. You deserve it. I can hardly believe you’ve been there for two years already! I am still taken aback by the passage of time. As if it were something new to me.
With all you saying how long this blog has been in existence, you’re making me feel OLLLLDDD. The 2 years caught me a little by surprise too. I only remembered yesterday!
you’re making you feel old?!!!!! It only seems like yesterday I was having to explain nude men dancing jigs on the roof of our shed to you. Best I start thinking about booking flights to come and see you again – I can feel a port challenge coming on!
I’m far too old for that stuff. No port challenge for me, young man!
Also (coming and) going. Also bittersweet. Sometimes this life just sucks.
It’ll all be right in the end, my friend. Plus, the going makes the coming back even better.
Know what you mean. Everyone I know in Cambodia is leaving before April. EVERYONE! How did that happen? Square one….
Square one is fun though – you get to start all over, reinvent and have even more new experiences.
Two years? Crikey, where’s that gone. I remember it all too. Switzerland’s done you a lot of good.
Thanks – sometimes I don’t feel like it has. Sometimes I feel like I’ve regressed about 10 years by living the expat lifestyle here. But then I remember I’m young and dammit, I deserve to have fun!