A letter from January 2004

Sometimes I really hate my life. Not in a “I’m going to top myself” kind of way but in the fact that I sometime [sic] think “I wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t made this choice. If I was doing something different. Would I be happier? Would I feel more accepted and wanted?” i don’t know – would I? Sometimes I feel so “out of the loop2 [sic] and so… I don’t know worthless, like if I weren’t here doing these things it wouldn’t really matter because someone else could do them for me. Like I don’t really have a contribution to make anymore.

6 years later and I look back at this letter to myself and cringe. I have no idea what I was pissed off about. I have no idea why I was in such a self-pitying mood that day. I do know that I’ve always treated myself like shit.

And it has to stop.

This post is part of Hope’s 30 days of truth series.

Part 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Part 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Part 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Part 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Part 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Part 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for

Part 2: Something you love about yourself

Part 1: Something you hate about yourself