In the inevitable “sorting out of junk” which accompanies moving house, I recently found an old diary. From 10 years ago – very slightly before I had a blog.
I was 18. I had just started doing my A levels. I was in a college in a small town in the south eastern countryside. I had a couple of not very serious boyfriends. I was on the periphery of the popular crowd. I changed my fancy every two seconds – and I didn’t stand a chance with any of the lads I fancied. I lived with my then best friend in a house my parents built. We went to the pub on Friday evenings to flirt with the village lads.
Now you’ve got the background – this is what was occupying my 18 year old mind 10 years ago (yesterday). All spellings and rubbish grammar as written and names changed to protect the innocent:
12 days till freedom [presumably 12 days until the end of A levels]. I can’t wait. I am getting severly stressed and pissed off with the whole thing. I am not nervous at the moment but I know I will be bricking it tomorrow morning.
I made a list up for those I would like to pull at the Prom. Its not much of a surprise really
- M1
- M2
- M3
- M4
[Ed's note: seriously, the four lads I listed all had names beginning with M. I obviously wasn't very original - neither were the parents of the 1980s]
M1 is my main target but it depends if hes going out with anyone by then. M2 is going out with a 1st year called P but I doubt theyll still be together. M3? Idon’t know. M4? Ditto.
A couple of weeks later:
It is 3.42am on FRIDAY and I am mullered.
Just been to Prom.
DID NOT PULL
although things with M1 look promising – maybe.
M2 is 2gether with M [another M but this time a girl] again.
M3 is going out with some disgustingly gorge girl.
GOOD NIGHT.
*rolls eyes* Ah to be 18 again and simply worrying about who I may or may not pull. If only life was that simple now eh? Now it’s all about bills and work and houses and friends and friends getting married and friends having babies.
If I could go back and visit my 18 year old self, what would I say? Chill out. Seriously girl, both you, and these guys you fancy will change so much in the next 10 years, you won’t recognise yourself.
And, neatly joining 18 year old me and 28 year old me, The Crush has made a reemergence onto the scene. I realise, reading through the archives that I haven’t really told you about him. Not really. You will have already established that he’s in the army. You won’t know that I went to college with him (see what I did there?) and that I haven’t seen him since we left college 10 years ago. You also won’t know that I haven’t even thought about him in the last 7 years. And that in the dying moments of my relationship with N, it was The Crush that I was thinking about.
We were talking on Skype the other name (username: nuttycow btw) and I mentioned that I had found the diary.
“Am I in it?” he asked. Leafing through the pages, I note that he doesn’t come up that much, despite us being in the same group of friends. In fact, there’s only one mention – he asked me if I fancied one of my friend’s boyfriends. And that’s it. The man I now look forward to speaking to most nights, the one who sends me cheerily dirty text messages features just once in my 18 year old life.
And now the big question: how can you have a crush on someone you haven’t seen for 10 years?
Five years ago: http://rosiewishes.livejournal.com/107525.html
(My journal entry about what would happen if I kissed various people at the school ball…)
Wow – I can’t believe you can still find your old diaries online. Mine are out there, in the ether. Somewhere!
Unfortunately I see far too much of her, although not so much at the moment.
Seriously though….
I’m not sure that I’d pay much attention to the me of ‘now’ if I turned up in the world of 18 year old mommg. Probably because I’m an arrogant little shit, and not much has changed over the last 10 years. I knew(know) what I want to do, and it’s pretty much gone to plan. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and we’ll see how it goes from there!
mommg
MOMMG – eh? Confusing lad. Anyway, moving away from the random bit of your comment to the fun bit of your comment. Having known you for over 10 years, I think I can safely say that you’re a lot different to the way you were back then. You *were* and arrogant little shit, you’re not so much anymore.
In other exciting news, I found a whole lot of letters in a chest the other day. Dare I share *them* with the world
do it!
Oh, Lord, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! I wish I were in the vicinity. I’d buy you a proper stiff drink.
I still have a crush on the one that got away some 16 years ago. Seriously. The years peel away and it never seems to abate much.
I think the advice you’d give to 18 year old you is pretty much the same advice 28 year old you should follow.
Thanks
but it’s not my birthday. My birthday’s in March. But early birthday wishes are always appreciated!
Was there a one who got away when I was 18? Yes, but we would have driven each other mad by now.
Happened to me last year. I hadn’t seen F in ten years but every so often he had popped into my mind. And then after chatting on Facebook for ages and admitting we liked each other, we ended up seeing each other for nearly six months. So I believe it’s ENTIRELY possible!
Yay to real life stories of fun
Let’s see what happens, eh?
I LOVE the old diary entry! And crushes are so much fun! Yay for new/old crush!
I have a hopeful feeling that any entry concerning him will be very much password protected
I used to work with 3 Martin’s and also took to naming them M1, M2 and M3 and also Martron (from IT), Martin from Spanish and Martin from upstairs…it’s a system.
Far too many Martins! I seem to have extended my name taste now at least…
Oh and the person I just ended something with was none other than my first proper boyf who I hadnt seen in 14 years…funny old life isnt it.
I have a crush on someone I haven’t seen or spoken to for 10 years.
But you’ve made me flip over to my old blog and dig out an entry from Monday, June 28, 2004 – the only entry there is for the month of June 2004:
Still here – and neither waving nor drowning!
Actually I’ve moved house, home and country and I’m still catching up on all the moving stuff.
Will be back as soon as time allows for a really good vent.
TT.
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