Cat that’s got the cream

Hold onto your hats children, two blog posts in the space of a month. I know, I know. Sometimes I just spoil you.

I was commenting on twitter earlier (and if you don’t follow me, why the hell not!) at how content I was feeling recently. It hit me last night actually.

There I was, lying on the sofa, glass of wine in hand, something suitably rubbish on the television, having just eaten some supper. I was lying there and just…being.

I have great friends.

I first starting playing rugby when I moved up to London. At that point in time I was living in the east end of London (I know!) and knew pretty much no one. I had a rubbish job and I worked stupid hours. My room was tiny, my housemates were alright but not really my kind of people. I was lonely.

And then I met up with a great uni friend. He persuaded me to come to an event at the rugby club. Up I pitched and there they were, all these wonderful people, drinking, laughing, stupidly friendly. They sat me in the corner of the bar and proceeded to help me get very drunk.

5 years later and I’m still at the club, still playing rugby (well, not at the moment obviously) and the people I’ve met are brilliant. I don’t think I’d naturally be friends with some of them – I just wouldn’t have met them under any other circumstances not that I wouldn’t like them – and it’s that aspect of rugby that I adore. A big melting pot of different people who all have a passion in common. Well, a couple actually – rugby and beer.

However different we all are, I know without a doubt that if I needed help, they’d be there to delve it out.

I am starting to get a semblance of a social life back.

I know that makes me sound as if I didn’t have a social life when I was with N, and I did, but this social life is…different.

I still see him out and about – he still plays for the rugby club – but it’s ok. I can go out. I can chat. I can flirt with lots of different people. I can do all the things I could do when I was with him but… it’s different. And not necessarily in a bad way.

When I first broke up with N, I felt alone. Although I’d always vowed I’d never become one of “those girls” (you know the type, they get with a man and there’s no sign of them until they break up with said man) I think I was getting there. Sometimes, I’d not go out because “I couldn’t be bothered” but looking back, it might have been because I just didn’t want to leave the house – I was happy in my little married couple existence.

Now, I’m starting to go out more, try new things. The diary is slowly filling up and I’m getting out there.

I have some money. Not a lot, not enough, but some.

Ok, so I’m still hugely in debt from University and the money I earn just about covers the amount that wings its way out of my bank account each month but I still have some money.

Like today. I bought the box set of the West Wing. Because I could. Because I wanted to.

I’m lucky. There are lots of people who don’t have that freedom.

I’m in no way near minted but the fact that I have the chance to do something nice for me occasionally? That makes me happy.

I love the freedom that living on my own brings me.

Those nights when I don’t want to go out? I don’t have to. And I don’t have housemates telling me I’m dull.
If I don’t want to clean up my mess, I don’t have to. And I don’t have to clean up after other people. When it gets too much I can complain to myself. That makes it all the more fun.

I can walk around naked, I can have long baths, I can have a million and one books on the go and leave them everywhere. No one cares. No one needs to know.

I can live off pizza and chocolate and don’t have anyone nagging me. I can drink wine if I want. I can listen to shit music. I can dance around the sitting room singing to Mika.

When I come home at the end of the day, I walk up the two flights of stairs to my little house, close the door behind me, drop my handbag on the floor, and exhale. Peace.

I have fun crushes

Some of the men I fancy will never be mine. Some of the men I fancy don’t know I like them. Some of them are just impossible.

That, however, is not the point. The point is I’m crushing on men. And it’s fun. I like that frisson of excitement when I see them, get an email off them, have a drink with them. I like the flirting. More than that, I like the flirting which won’t go anywhere. It’s practice and, as we all know, practice makes perfect!

Sure, one day, I want more. A woman can’t live on bread alone (I was going to say something else there but I couldn’t think of a good enough euphemism so bread it is) after all. Sometimes a lady needs… company.

Alright, mind out of the gutter. That kind of company is always welcome but it’s also a bit more. Being taken out on dates. Being sent flowers (I love being sent flowers). Thoughtful messages. Someone to put my feet up on when sharing a bottle of wine in front of the X factor. You know, company.

In conclusion

Although it doesn’t seem like a lot – all of the above makes me feel happy. As for the other thing, you know, the company – that will come. Eventually. But someday, I know it will.

Until then… well, I’ll just get on with it.

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15 thoughts on “Cat that’s got the cream

  1. Blonde says:

    Good News. Ta for a feel-good read in the afternoon, too.

  2. Huw says:

    Your Living On Your Own bit struck a chord with me.

    I am perhaps eating too much bread though.

  3. smidge says:

    I love living on my own, and i have moved away from those friends who made me feel crap in doing so. Im not quite in the same place as you, but im getting there.

  4. Good for you, lady! Realizing all that is such an important step toward recovering from a break up. And being happy with your life makes you all the more attractive 😉

  5. Sarah says:

    You sound so happy! Yea! I just want to jump up and down for you!

  6. LizSara says:

    I’m there or thereabouts, just need to get the going out and meeting people bit down and i’ll be happy.

    Yeay for you and yeay for posting x

  7. roseski says:

    Oh, I’m honestly very jealous.

    The start sounds very like me. I’ve moved to London. I’m living with housemates that are nice n all, but not my kind of people.
    But I went to rugby training once with the boys and they really did destroy me so I never went again!

    And the housemates telling me I’m dull when I don’t go out… Sometimes I have work to do and sometimes I JUST DON’T WANT TO. And I want to walk around naked. And I want to sing/dance in my living room.

    Ah, I’ve missed your posts! But glad this is a happy one! x

  8. I was lying there and just…being.

    The sound of one hand clapping!

    I hope you don’t mind the link but I recently did a post about the beauty of living alone in New York City. It ties in nicely with what you have here. It’s a theme!

  9. blue soup says:

    I think it’s funny how perspective changes as life progresses. This was a great post to read, really uplifting. x

  10. Brennig says:

    I am feeling v.positive on your behalf! (but I’m not having crushes – fun or otherwise – on men, you can do that yourself).

  11. my turn next! mememe please!

  12. respectableside says:

    brillant!! its great when you just like being you right and its just about being xxx

  13. Jo says:

    Ahhh miss cow, thats good news. I’m happy too. We have come so far! (except i’m still living with the rents, but we’ll gloss over that for now) x

  14. Prettylyf says:

    Awww your posts are so adorable and fun to read!!! And I like rugby too. I don’t play but attend the U.S. Sevens religiously each February. Next February it’s going to be in the sin city *Las Vegas* can’t wait!!!

  15. […] years ago today, I wrote a blog post about how happy I was feeling. It’s funny how life moves on and yet is so incredibly […]

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