When I was younger, I used to laugh at the problem pages in magazines.
“Dear Audrey,” some poor unfortunate would write, “my boyfriend says that if I don’t sleep with him his balls will turn blue and burst all over me. Is this true? Does it make a difference if I take it anally?”
Audrey would then tut tut and proceed to explain to the lady in question that “my balls will go blue” is just a poor excuse used by a certain section of society when they want to get their rocks off. She would always offer a pamplet or premium phone line number of some sort and that would be that.
The one “problem” I never understood however, was that of sleeping with the ex boyfriend. “Why would you do that?” I’d ask myself. “Why would you go back once you’d decided it was over?”
Surprisingly, it’s quite easy.
But the really weird thing? The really really weird thing? I’m ok with it. I know what it was. I know it doesn’t change what is. I think he’s aware of what it was and what is. N and I aren’t back together. We’re not going to get back together.
I actually feel much better because of it – maybe it’s because we ended on such an unfinished note. But yesterday was fun, we hung out, we had a giggle, we messed around. And then I left. And it was ok. And I’m ok.
It’s not weird but it’s not exactly healthy, either. These are the hot coals we all tread at one time or another. Myself, included.
Take care – I’ve been there too. Once is probably OK, but making a habit of it tends to lead to tears!
I’ve never done the sex with an ex before. Probably because I wouldn’t deal with it but mostly because I’ve never had the opportunity.
I’m glad you’re OK.
It’s SO easy. In fact, I don’t think there’s been a ex I haven’t gone back to… But it isn’t healthy, so you just be careful sweet!
Sex with the ex? Am OK with anything that rhymes. But those Agony Aunt columns need to go!!!
Bumped into Simon Shaw at my gym yesterday and thought of you. If it makes you happy to spend the night together then do it but don’t get confused. Whatever helps to mend the heart is a good thing
BM x
Yes he’s a sight for sore eyes – albeit a very battered and bruised one.. but so nice and really shy. So bizarre for such a ginormous man! Sadly his wife is lovely and a good friend..!
I slept with my ex of six years on and off for a while after we split up.. I just couldn’t bear being alone. It just tides you over til the next lover comes along.. but it has to remain physical only – not emotional..
BM x
As long as you are not kidding yourself!
Not a good thing Imo…but I doubt you’ll listen, so good luck.
when the exhusband and i split up we did the deed a few times afterwards… it was pure raw physical need. nothing to do with love.
hang in there!
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Just don’t get hurt again
xx
It is shockingly easy. And comfortable. And fun. And can really, really mess with your head and heart.
I did it once, many thousands of years ago when the sun was but a mere ball of dust. I can’t say I particularly regret it now, but at the time it did rather mess with my head. I suspect that it’s not likely to be a very balanced encounter. But the main thing is – don’t get hurt. And the second main thing is – don’t hurt. And yes, I know I’m not your mum.
Hi hon
Just been reading the story of what happened with N – all so horrible, I had no idea.
Hope you’re healing – sounds like this may have been part of that process.
(I’ve done it too)
xx
I had sex with my last ex. It was, as it had always been, erotic, filthy, wonderful and mutually satisfying. But it felt weird afterwards, doing the cuddling thing. I felt awkward with the hugs and the cuddles which she plainly wanted.