DISCLAIMER: I realise this post is going to make me sound like I’m 26 going on 60 but I don’t care. So there.
Our house is being decorated. Although, when I say decorated, what I actually mean is that builders have moved into the flat, poured paint down the sink, stamped mud into the carpet, drunk endless cups of tea, moved all my things around, left a layer of dust an inch thick and inadvertently slapped some paint on the walls. Hoorah.
We have no kitchen, no sitting room, no bedroom. We live in a half-land between the bathroom and the island-like bed in the middle of a sea of stuff.
Anyway, so, due to the house situation, N and I went out the other night* to grab some ready made chinese to chuck in the microwave (which, thankfully, still works).
The queues in Sannersbarrys** were hideous. We finally settled for one and I gazed around, as you do, taking it all in. We had a middle aged man in front of us and two chinese men behind us. Gabriele was on the till.
I watched her. It was evident that she was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. Demeanour, speech pattern, words she used, the way she used them, all pointed towards it. The middle-aged man got to the front of the queue. Bread, milk, potatoes all dumped onto the conveyor.
“hello-sir-have-you-had-a-good-evening?” she asked.
-silence-
“have-you-seen-our-recipe-cards-at-the-front-of-the-store?” she tried
-silence-
He glared at her. “Give me some plastic bags”
I baulked. Seriously?
Gabriele handed over the requested bags and quietly got on with her job.
Now what’s the problem with that? I’ll tell you the problem (and here comes the rant). No matter who you are and what you’re doing, there is no excuse to be rude for no reason. It doesn’t matter who it is. It doesn’t matter whether you think you’re better than them. It doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a company and the person you’re speaking to is a lowly receptionist. There is no excuse if the rudeness is unwarranted.
That waitress you’re being rude to? She might turn out to be your next boss. The person behind the till? The person who donates blood and saves your life. Where someone works doesn’t pigeonhole them as a person.
If someone is polite, you’re polite back. You may not like them. You may not want to be their best friend but that’s no reason for being rude.
The thing that really got me about the way in which this man treated Gabriele was that he had obviously made a snap judgement about her. Because of who she was. Because of where she worked. He obviously just decided she wasn’t worth his time.
Don’t people value manners anymore?
* yes, I realise no update has been forthcoming on the N and I situation. Let’s just say, I stayed away for a week. It gave him a kick up the arse. We’re taking things as they come.
** Note to US readers – not actual name of shop.
Oooh – I quite agree! I used to waitress as a student I vividly remember the people who thought it made them look big to be rude to ‘staff’. Idiots.
If I’m ever out on a date and the man is rude to a waiter my opinion of him nose dives and that’s it. There is no excuse for rudeness!!*
(*except on the tube when surrounded by idiots – all normal rules become suspended)
Builders drink tea over there on the other side of the pond? Wow. Never in a million years would they do that here. It’s all Dunkin Donuts (actual name) coffee, Red Bull and Mountain Dew!
You’re so right! does that make me old too?
Nilsa ~ and we have to make them the tea too
Quite agree, Nutty. I wonder whether I would have actually said something to Mr Rude Guy – probably not, but I bet his mother wouldn’t have approved of his behaviour!!!
Just been through the house upside-down stage and I pity you at the mo….but it’ll be worth it in the end – fingers crossed.
p.s. Having read your previous N post; I think you did the right thing – a week’s break being a really good kick up the arse to get some help/sort self out, etc. Fingers crossed you both can move forward positively.
But don’t you realise – these people are SPECIAL. That’s what I tell my kids every time someone walks through a door I’m holding open without even acknowledging me, or the driver who pulls out of a side street assuming I am going to stop. Grrr.
I was nicely doing the bar at my da’s 60th as he bought a load of real ale and forgotten to hire anyone to serve it. One of his mates didnt recognise me and was so rude an offhand – treated me like the bar girl he thought i was (he didnt recognise me as ive lived away for 10 years). Shame on him.
I stand up for people who treat others like crap because they think they are above them.
Good for you on this post!
Well said. I hate snobbery in all its forms. And I hate rudeness that often comes with it. But then again I’m a lot older than you so I’m allowed to feel that way.
Good luck with you & N.
Dear god, this is so familiar. I’m a waitress when I’m not at uni, and this means for about thirty hours a week I am more or less invisible. Unless I make a mistake, in which case I’m suddenly the spawn of satan combined with a deaf child with learning difficulties. I’ve seen the worst side of people in my job. They have made a snap judgement about me. They are usually surprised when I speak and have a relatively posh English accent. I’m lucky if they say thank you when I give them a drink or a canape or their meal. I’ve had to stand next to a table for two minutes, waiting for the rich banker (see? Snap judgement) finish his HILARIOUS story so I can take their order. And sometimes even the nice customers get it wrong – keeping me talking when I’ve got five plates on my arm (always horrendously heavy, of course, because the last people the party planners or restaurant designers think of are the waiting staff).
And I’m standing there being patronised, and I want to shout “I’M AT CAMBRIDGE SODDING UNIVERSITY! I HAVE AN EXHIBITION! I’M GOING TO BE A BARRISTER!”
And then I realise that that shouldn’t make a difference. It would be even worse if it did – that they were polite to me because I’m “clever”, because I’m “going places”, because I’m white and middle-class and well-spoken. They should be polite to me because I’m a sodding human being.
(sorry, rant city I know…)