Why estate agents are the devil incarnate

Just got off the phone with the devil.

They want money from me. Again.

We renewed our contract on chez nutty at the end of May. Having successfully managed to wangle ourselves no increase in rent, we were happy.

And then. *plop* through the door comes a very serious and important looking document, addressed to both of us, using our fullest of full names [I find that letters that use your fullest of full names and invariably from wankers].

Dear nutty gertrude amelia cecily cow,

You owe us £117.50

Pay us

Hugs and kisses,
 Evil estate agents

Well. What do I say to that. I wrote back:

Dear evil estate agents,

Why do you want so much money? Surely, you can’t be suggesting that the tippexing out of a date, changing it and photocopying the result is worth £100.  It would take a temp earning £5 an hour 20 hours to complete that. Even you, crap useless people, can’t employ temps that slow?

Please send me an itemised bill.


nuttycow (miss)

They’ve just called me to say they can’t itemise the bill. “Well,” quoth I, “what’s the charge for?”. “Er..” said Candice (or whatever her name was) “it’s for the renewal of the contract and admin.”

“What admin?”

“The admin of renewing the contract”

“Yes, but what admin did you do, during the renewal of the contract (which may I remind you needed no negotiation) that cost me £100”

“It’s just how much we charge”

“Yes but what’s it for?”

“The renewal of the contract”

I screamed.

More reasons estate agents are spawn of satan:

  • They drive those stupid minis or VW bugs or ANother car thinking they’re the dogs when actually, they just look like people driving a work car with pride.
  • They steal all the resident parking places near their office.
  • The men, invariably, wear ties which are a) a stupid colour b) have cartoon characters on them or c) pulled down slightly from the collar and on a shirt with the top button undone.
  • They think that they’re your best friends and that we should be pathetically grateful to them for finding us some hell hole in the back end of nowhere.
  • They put all the qualifications they have ever achieved on their business card.

Did I ever mention that I hated estate agents?

18 thoughts on “Why estate agents are the devil incarnate

  1. Robbie says:

    I think I rented a house from him.

  2. L.C.T. says:

    Ah HOW true! Which estate agents are you with? Townends tend to like taking lots of money…

  3. Murph says:

    Right on Nutty!

  4. Gemma says:

    Mine did the same thing. £112 or something ridiculous like that. I accidentally (and I really DO mean accidentally) miswrote the cheque. They phoned me to tell me, I wrote another, put it in an envelope with a stamp, put it to post and…

    …erm, found it the other day, never posted. Honest mistake. But they never chased it up and so much goes in and out of my account that I never noticed. So I think I got out of it (it was October) though when I come to end my contract in a few weeks, they might then chase it up or take it out of my deposit. We shall see.

    But the moral of the story? Why not just not pay it and see what they do…

  5. I love how they can never explain charges for people. They assume a general task will suffice and we’ll gladly fork over the money. Idiots.

  6. Amanda says:

    Stumbled on your blog through the 20SB feed. This post is maddening! I am in a similar situation where my old landlady wanted to charge me $1,000 for the early termination of my lease PLUS my continuing payment of monthly rent until she finds a new tenant. Explain that one to me. If I am STILL PAYING RENT, what is the $1,000 fee for, pray tell?

  7. peach says:

    come and live in my place and we can start a cult, although I guess it will be more mainstream and popular than a cult, against estate agents!

  8. Jessica says:

    One day I will make it in your miscellany post. One day!

    Way to go in not getting your rent increased. Cheers!

  9. blaez says:

    i’ll come there and beat thier asses for ya

    ps then you can charge them back for my time 🙂

  10. David Taylor says:

    Hmmm, typical overpriced Bulls**t from an Agent. This the whole reason we started our own low cost Estate Agent. One Agent even asked me to pay for his “wasted fuel” because he had drove from head office north of Birmingham which amounted to 18 miles – bless him! If its value you want goto http://www.movingkeptsimple.com and hopefully your impression of some agents will change – for the good.

  11. nuttycow says:

    Grrr – stupid comment box. Just responded to everyone and it deletes everything I’ve written. Arg. Start again.

    Robbie – Then you know how I feel. Want to come and join Peach and my cult (see below)?

    LCT – Grabbit and Runne it feels like.

    Murph – I’m allowed a rant every now and again 😉

    Gemma – I’ve put it off so long that I think if I leave it any longer the bailiffs will be round. And they scare me just a little!

    F&F – I know – I did try and make an analogy about going into a shop and handing over money for something I already had but I don’t think she understood. To be honest, I’m not sure I really understood it either.

    Amanda – hello, welcome and thanks for popping by. Your landlady sounds evil. Why did she charge you for leaving the house – did you give her enough notice?

    Peach – An excellent idea. We can chant chants and picket pickets (or whatever it is that cults do – at the moment my cult sounds a little bit like a strike). What shall we call our new movement? What are the perks for being supreme leaders?

    Jessica – I’m sure you’ve been there in the past… you’re just angling for a miscellany post dedicated soley to you, aren’t you? Oh alright, I’ll see what I can do 😉

    Blaez – Do you rent yourself out? Maybe Peach and I could use you as security for our cult (see above)

    David Taylor – hoorah! A spam comment. I like spam comments, they make me feel wanted and trusted. Like someone thinks by spamming my blog, loads of people will click on his link. *warm glow*

  12. Hannah says:

    Erk. That’s email.

    Console yourself in the knowledge that, in the current economic climate, around 4000 estate agents can expect to be out of a job very, very soon.

  13. Hannah says:

    *Evil, not email. Obviously. The sun has clearly gone to my head.

  14. Amanda says:

    I gave her hardly any notice at all, to be honest. But I just don’t understand if I’m expected to keep paying rent until she finds a new tenant, what is the $1,000 charge all about? She’s not losing any money.

    Anyhow, I think I sweet talked her out of the charge. I’ll know for sure in a week or two when the new tenants sign the lease.

  15. Robbie says:

    You and your cults. This is liek the the 2nd cult you’ve joined this week.
    I’ll join your cult, as long as I get a +1 invite.

  16. Milla says:

    excellent stuff, NC, keep fighting the devil, you know you like it.

  17. Gill says:

    So generally how much do you end up paying an estate agent now for selling your house?

    Over here in Canada it generally costs around 5% of your selling price. So for a $400,000 house our bill would be $20,000 + 5% GST (like VAT)= $21,000, and last two times we have sold our houses, one sold within two days, and the other time, the real estate agent had a buyer lined up, so basically they made a ton of money for not doing an awful lot!!!

    Over here, they drive lovely cars, own lovely houses……….what does that say to you???

    Gill in Canada

  18. nuttycow says:

    Hannah – you brighten my day with comments like that!

    Amanda – Hoorah! Good luck.

    Robbie – oh go on then, bring whoever you like

    Milla – I’m a one-woman fighting crime and the devil machine.

    Hi Gill – welcome. I’ve never bought or sold a house so I don’t know how much it costs. The earth probably.

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