As I tip myself out of bed my foot connects with with something long and hard. And painful. Surely a hairbrush doesn’t belong there?
I survey the room. A “clothes to be washed” pile. A “clothes to be put away” pile. A “clothes that belong in the dressing up box” pile. Walking through to the sitting room, a wine glass from last night stares accusingly at me from the table. A pile of mail which needs to be re-directed to wherever Ms Ida Green has moved on to.
I can’t face the kitchen.
I am not slovenly by nature but I’m increasingly finding that I’m having less and less time to do the things that a good housewife (*ahem*) should. When I get home from work, the last thing I want to do is merrily don the marigolds and spend the next half hour underneath the loo, scrubbing away to my heart’s content. I’m not some old scrubber y’know.
I’ve always seen myself as more of a sit-with-feet-up-watching-other-people-do-the-cleaning kind of a gal. So that’s why I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to have to get myself a lady what does. I’m sufficiently right-wing in outlook not to have pangs of guilt about this, however, I do have a number of stipulations.
- Mrs Mop must infact be a Mr Mop
- Wearing a small pinny
- Topless
- Oh, and I’d have to vet him before he starts for “ease on the eye” credentials.
Apparently there’s a market for this sort of thing…
Just dropped by to say “Hello” – seems like a home from home! Your posts are funny!
Hi Maggie May – thanks for dropping in (and the kind comment). Hope the rat thing gets sorted out!
Go for it, your criterias seem resaonable enough.
I agree Major. In fact, I may speak to Mdm Red and suggest she comes up with a similar criteria for your household
I never thought about getting a Mr. Mop. I don’t know if the husband would go for that.
The political ramifications of hiring someone are far from clear. I fall way on the left side of the spectrum and thought for a long time that I could never justify hiring someone to do what I found too repugnant to do myself. Then I found out that there are people in our town who are quite offended if you have the means to put them/their families/their friends on your payroll, yet you refuse to share the wealth by doing so.
In the end I still don’t have a cleaner because I would have had to give up cable TV to come up with the cash.
Strangely enough Cow was just reading a Hamish Macbeth mystery where the cleaning lady is killed with her bucket.
As for cleaning, Topiary just hopes a stiff wind blows regulary.
Moo!
Jamie – pah! Who cares about the husband… it’s your own satisfaction you need to worry about. I can see the point about “sharing the wealth” and I can also understand your point about employing someone to do such an awful job. However, I think if you have the money (and don’t have to give up the cable!) then there’s no reason not to. It’s all about supporting the economy. Or something.
Topiary – it’s very breezy in our flat… or, if not, just make sure you have a fan blowing somewhere!
I came to the conclusion some time ago that I just wasn’t put on this earth for scivvying. Not that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth or anything like that, but I’ve been married for 17 years – too long to be doing the bulk of the housework for 5 of us when I create the least of it. Don’t even think about the social implications, unless you want to include mass homicide when you finally lose it and go on the rampage.
Somehow a nude male bending over the hob and showing it all isn’t that appealing! What’s wrong with me?
If you advertise yourself as a dominatrix, you’ll find men who will pay you to clean your house. They may want to lick your shoes clean as well.
Expatmum – I’m with you. Apart from the being married for 17 years and 3 children thing. But yes, I have *no* issues with being seen as a capitalist pig. With regards to the showing of giblets – not what I had in mind either. Just topless. Not full nudity thanks. It’s just not something you want to see!
Hey Gorilla – I think I’d be an ace dominatrix. N would probably argue that I’m domineering enough without making it a career
I’ve flirted with the idea of a ‘what woman what does’ too, until I remembered that I’d have to tidy the house before she got here – unless I wanted her muttering at me in Spanish, and I’m only learning Spanish through my daughter’s ‘Dora The Explorer’ programmes so ‘disgusting filthy whore’ hasn’t really come up yet.
Hello Ali – thanks for dropping by. Ahh, the problems with children’s TV… you’d think the makers of Dora the Explorer would want to equip their young charges with as much useful information as possible.
I would suggest “I’d like two beers please”, “Is your father a thief” and “If I said you had a lovely body would you hold it against me” would probably be a good start for the boys.
“Sod off”, “I’ll have a gin and tonic” and “Why aren’t there any nice men around here?” would suffice for the girls.