All change please, all change

Phew – what a couple of months it’s been. If you’ve been stoically persevering with my random ramblings for a while, you’ll know that I haven’t been particularly happy with work recently. You’ll remember I talked about grappling my way out of the pit I was in. About breaking the chains I felt were holding me back.

Well, I’ve taken that first step.

As of March 20th, I will no longer be employed.

After my last post, I came up with a number of options that the company could offer me in order to make me stay. I was planning to bring them up at my end of year review and see what became of them. But then…

I was called up to my boss’ office for a meeting with her and the BIG boss. Big boss explained that they were planning to restructure the team and that my role was going to move into a new area. I would have pretty much exactly the same role, but new managers. Not what I wanted. At all. (And, of course, this meant that all my plans of asking for something else were pretty much null and void.)

So I thought about it, and thought about it some more.

I decided to have a chat with the boss (in a friend capacity) to see what she thought my options were. She told me that she thought I had three options:

  1. Accept the role
  2. Decline the role
  3. Look for something in another department/market

And so… I declined the role. There and then. No hesitation.

I have been grinning ever since. I have so many plans, so many options, so many things I want to do with this new freedom.

First and foremost I need to do something that *means* something.  I want to experience more of the world and give something back. I’ve been stuck in the corporate world for 12 years. It’s time to use my skills to make a difference.

And I couldn’t be more excited about what the world has to offer.

 

Posted in cow abroad, dreaming, happy happy joy joy, look at me | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Night scribbles

I woke up at 2 o’clock this morning. My head was spinning. I had a splitting headache and I’d had nightmares. And, as I always tend to in these situations, I needed to write. I found the following on my phone this morning. I barely remember writing it.

Two days after bumping into Swissie (again – twice in two weeks. I almost see him more now than when we were actually seeing each other) and I continue to have nightmares (dreams) about him.

I saw him on Friday, in our favourite pub. He was alone. He was waiting for someone. He wasn’t waiting for me. We talked, we laughed, we flirted.

“It’s so frustrating,” I moaned to my book club friends. “Why can’t I just hate him? Why can’t I just be annoyed at seeing him? Instead of this feeling – this feeling of sadness, and hope, and realisation that I can’t have him.”

I don’t know what it is about this man that has got me so worked up. I barely know him, I barely even started to know him. And yet, here I am, 2:34 in the morning, awake because of my latest dream about him (in this blockbuster, he’s just admitted that after a night of champagne, he’s decided that my leggy blonde friend [randomly, a girl I went to Uni with and haven’t seen since] is actually his soul mate and he’s going to give a relationship with her a go.)

If I were Freud, I’d suggest that I’m questioning myself. That I pathetically low self-esteem and that I think that he just doesn’t want to have a relationship with me. If I were Freud, I’d say that if I continue like this, I’ll never think I’m good enough for anyone, and therefore I won’t be.

However, I’m not Freud. I’m me. And therefore I’m going to put it down to eating cheese before bedtime.

Posted in bad boys, having a grump, how i'm feeling, love 'n' things, moments in time, ponderings | Tagged , , | 1 Comment